Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize