I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
