absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
