listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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