he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Fuck me I smell like cheese
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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