Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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