I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize