I think my vagina is haunted
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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