I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize