How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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