there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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