Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
