I just pynch a tree in the face
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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