Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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