so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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