Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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