We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
