Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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