1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
