i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
