She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
