I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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