it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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