I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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