I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
