Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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