I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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