When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
