I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just had sex bonerless
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize