Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We are all done wearing pants today
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
