All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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