what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
