4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
