she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Are we still banned from the library?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
