so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
