I can tuck mytits in my pants
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
