That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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