Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
