I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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