She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
