you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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