Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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