Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
