there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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