i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
