Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
