So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
