Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
