Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
