i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
