please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize