girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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