Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
