Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
