drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
