I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
