Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
