my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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