So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
