I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
