Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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