is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
