ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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