At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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