did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize