If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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