You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
